Friday, June 23, 2006


how come soccer is so dumb ?


Pirate Jimmy said...

1) It is a sport that is only played by the people who can't afford to buy the equipment required for better sports (i.e. Hockey and Football). Soccer requires one thing, the soccer ball. Football (real football, flag and touch don't count) and Hockey require things like helmets, pads, skates, sticks, ice, etc.

2) The fans are the most annoying fans of any sport. Worse than Packer/Viking fans (there are idiots on both sides), worse than Nascar fans, worse than Basketball fans.

3) Golf is more action-packed.

4) The game is designed in such a way as to make it too easy for one team to waste time dicking around with the ball. I blame this mostly on the fact that the players move too slowly in relation with a soccer ball that's been passed to a teammate, which means it's impossible to intercept passes unless they are bad passes. So instead of an interesting game, you see one team passing the ball while the opposing team's players chase it around like idiots.

5) There aren't any penalties like "holding the stick." That one always gives me a great laugh.

6) Despite popular belief, the simple fact that a lot of people like the sport does not make it a better sport. It is not a popularity contest, it's a sport. I'm not going to try to convince myself it's entertaining just because 90% of the world is too poor to play any other sport.

7) Finally, the most important reason soccer sucks is because there are no tennis skirts in soccer.

Linus said...

thanx brandon, i knew i could count on yoU for that one

Pirate Jimmy said...

I think everyone will find these 7 facts completely irrefutable.

Special K said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Special K said...

Ah, but you can be refuted, my cold-hearted pirate friend.

1. I take offense to the assumption that poor people are dumb. They are oppressed and treated with sustained injustices, and yet still manage to cope with the harsh conditions of life every day in much more graceful and honorable ways that the average person. They should be respected for their resourcefulness and not criticized for the world into which they were born. In fact, the ability to create a global network of teams, players, and fans seems to be the fruit of an intelligence higher than that of people who support football. Furthermore, your comment that they only need a ball is ridiculous if you've ever watched a professional game, yet alone a high school game. Clearly they also require uniforms, shin guards, those cool socks, and many other items that do, in fact, cost money.

2. Passion is admirable.

2.b. Clearly you have not had the Superfans cheering you on at a race, staggered for multiple hits, outfitted with many sized cowbells and a stereo with songs looped, and with the endurance to run alongside the competitor for many meters. You may need to re-rank your fans on the annoyance factor.

3. The players and the ball are constantly in motion of various speeds, with virtually no down-time between plays. And while there is no sex on the field, I don't think golfers make a habit of that, either. You're going to have to explain what you mean by action because I'm out of common usages.

4. I believe that hockey pucks can soar through the air significantly faster than players can skate; in the same way, one would expect air-borne soccer balls to travel faster than running players.

5. So soccer is dumb because it's more mature than hockey? Got it.

6. Something cannot be dumb because it is widely supported. It can be dumb in spite of its support, but not because of it.

7. If women's exposed bodies are what you are looking for when you attend a sporting event, I don't think you'd have any problem at a soccer game. At least among Latin American women, there is no lack of revealing clothing.

In summary, your arguments are illogical or applicable to all sports.

Pirate Jimmy said...

Interesting conclusion.

Maybe they're so illogical that they're right! OOOH! OOOH!

Pirate Jimmy said...

By the way, please don't take me for a complete ass. I mostly just try to be funny, hehe

Pirate Jimmy said...

I'm more of a semi-colon, I'd say.

Pirate Jimmy said...

teehee, soccer kills trees.
Read more.

Chaka said...

Myself, I find soccer and hockey roughly on par. It's the same idea translated into different climates. Similar levels of action, similar numbers of interception, etc. I can watch each of them with about the same level of interest.

Now is not the time to tell the whole story, but I'd just like to mention that my first month in Britain, prime time television was dominated by coverage of a Snooker tournament. Now there's action!

Linus said...

well, it pretty much have to be better than the movie, wouldn't it ?

Boromir said...

It would be better if it was more like Shaolin Soccer.....and if it involved the slaying of orcs.